Strip It Down
by purplepagoda
Summary: Rick has a change of heart. He decides that is time to let Kate chase whatever it is she is looking for. When Kate gets the official word, she ends up in his office. She comes clean with a secret of her own. Will it change his mind, or will it change their lives?
1. Strip It Down

He stares out the window of his apartment. The sinking feeling in his gut tells him that it's over. He knows that his marriage can't be repaired on a bed of secrets. She has been keeping things from him. He shakes his head, trying to push the though away, but he can't. One brief time out from a time out, is simply not enough to sustain them. It is time that he let her go. His heart will never let her go, but he must set her free to find, whatever it is that she is looking for. He presses his head against the glass, wishing that she was there with him.

When he wakes up in the morning he doesn't feel any better. He has tossed, and turned all night, wrestling with his decision. He knows that he has no choice. He begins his morning routine, and heads to his office. He glances at the date, and realizes that he should have planned better, but he knows he will never work up the nerve again. He reaches for the phone. He should call her, and give her a heads up.

She sits in her office, behind her desk. She closes her eyes, thinking about him again. Her stomach twists into knots at the deception. She thinks about what she's put him through. Today is Valentine's, and all she wants is him. Her body aches for him. She hasn't seen him in days. He hasn't been around, and her heart sinks thinking that he may have given up on them. She still hasn't found what she's looking for.

She wonders if she should tell him the truth. She needs to talk to him. There is more than work, and cases that is on her mind. It's time to tell him what is really going on. Everything has changed lately. She can't hide the truth from him much longer. She has to tell him something, or he is going to walk away, and never look back. Her body longs for his touch. She should tell him why she has been so deceptive, and she knows it. Her options are growing slimmer with each passing day. Too much is on the line, now. She can't afford for him to walk away now.

Someone knocking on her door catches her attention. She looks up, and finds suit standing in her doorway. She motions for them to come in. The thirty something clears his throat.

"Kate Beckett?"

"Yes," she nods in confirmation.

He hands her paperwork, "You've been served."

Her heart sinks, and she leans back in her chair. The man leaves the room, and she opens the document. She finds her name next to his. A lump begins to form in her throat as she reads the paperwork. Tears begin to form in her eyes, and she reaches for her phone. She dials his number without hesitation.

"Kate?"

"Rick, I was just served."

"I'm sorry, I should have given you a heads up."

"You filed for divorce?"

"Yes," he nods.

"Where are you right now?"

"I'm at my office. Look, I'm sorry. You know that this isn't what I want, but if you don't want to be married anymore, it is time for me to face facts. I have to let you chase whatever it is you are looking for. I hope you find whatever it is that is hiding in the shadows."

"Rick we need to talk."

"I don't know what else there is to say. Kate I will always love you, but I can't keep going on like this. I am giving you an out."

"I am on my way," she tells him, vacating her seat.

She is at his office in ten minutes. He is consulting with a client when she arrives. She makes a beeline for the door. Alexis sits at the receptionist's desk.

"Excuse me, do you have an appointment?"

"No, Alexis. I need to talk to him."

"Have a seat. He is with a client."

"It's urgent."

Alexis points to the seats in the waiting room, "He should be done in just a few minutes."

"Alexis, please."

"I'm sorry, Kate."

The door opens, and the client leaves the room. He heads for the door. Kate shakes her head, and rises from her seat. The door closes, and Alexis clears her throat.

"Let me see if he's available."

Kate groans, and rolls her eyes. Alexis picks up the phone. On the other side of the door Rick answers.

"Captain Beckett is here to see you."

"Send her in."

"Okay," she agrees.

Kate pushes the door open. It slams behind her. Rick instantly picks up on the look on her face. Her cheeks are red, and the vein in her forehead pulsates.

"You're angry?"

She pulls out a chair, and takes a seat across the desk from him. She shakes her head, "No."

"Then why are you here?"

"You need to have the full picture before you commit to this decision."

"Kate I know that you aren't telling me things. You chase whatever it is that you are trying to catch, I won't stand in your way anymore. I have come to terms with that."

"I am not ready to talk about that."

He shakes his head in disbelief, "Then what are you here for? All you have to do is sign the papers. It is a dissolution of marriage. Assets have been divided, and I was rather generous."

She looks down at the papers in her hands. She furrows her brow in confusion, "You gave me the house in the Hamptons?"

"You keep those memories," he suggests.

"Rick, wait."

"I have already made my decision."

"There is something that I need to tell you," she insists with a hint of guilt in her voice.

"It is too little, too late."

"For weeks I have been trying to figure out how to tell you. I know that things have been tense between us lately. I have been distant, because there are things that I can't tell you."

"And?"

"There is one thing that I need to tell you. There is something that you need to know, before we go any further down this road."

"What could you possibly tell me that would change anything?"  
She takes a pregnant pause, "I'm pregnant."

"Come again?"

"Pregnant. Rick, I'm pregnant."


	2. Let It Fade To Black

"Come again?" He responds, staring at her in confusion. She is bundled in pea coat that is cinched at the waist with a belt, as she sits in his office chair.

"I am pregnant," she repeats.

"Good for you. I am happy for you."

Her nostrils flare, in irritation, "With your baby."

He shakes his head, "Kate that isn't possible. We haven't been together in a biblical sense since November. I mean it has been three months."

"I know."

"You got pregnant in November?"

"Yes," she nods in confirmation.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"There was never a good time."

"When did you find out? How long have you known?"

"Since Christmas."

"What?"

"I found out on Christmas."

"Unbelievable."

"I need you not to be angry right now."

"You can't tell me how to feel."

"I need you to talk to me."

"I am too angry to talk to you right now. This is too much. You don't want to be married. You want to chase down some boogeyman, in the dark, behind my back. You push me away at every turn. You are chasing some dangerous monster, and you're telling me not to be angry? I have every right to be angry. You're my wife, and apparently you're carrying my child. Whatever it is that you're chasing, whatever rabbit hole you've gone into, you're done. I have given you leeway. I have let you do it your way. I would be devastated if something happened to you. I am not going to lose you. Whatever it is that you're chasing, you're done."

"You can't make that decision for me."

"Someone has to look out for you."

"I can take care of myself."

"You are continuing to put yourself in harm's way, despite the fact that you're pregnant? Are you trying to get yourself killed? Is that what you want?"

"No, of course not. I am so close. Castle this is so big. I can't just give up now. I almost have everything I need to end this, and move on."

He shakes his head, "No, you don't. It is always some big, bad, faceless entity. You want to rid the world of injustice, but you can't even be present in your own marriage. You can't even take a step back, and put yourself in my shoes for five seconds. The woman I love is running around chasing dangerous, nameless evil, and I have to just sit back, and let it happen. Kate, enough is enough."

"I just need a few more weeks," she begs.

"Sign the papers," he shakes his head.

She shakes her head, and looks at him in confusion. He hands her a black ink pen. She pulls at her collar.

"I don't understand."

"I love you, but I can't be married to someone who has complete disregard for her own life, and the life of our unborn child."

"Please. I'll explain everything, when this is over."

"It doesn't matter. You have chosen this over your family. I thought that you were different."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What happens when that child is born, and you still haven't found whoever it is that you're looking for? You're not going to take him, or her with you. Are you just going to walk away, like Meredith walked away from Alexis? Huh?"

"No."

"I am not going to let you put my child in harm's way."

"Rick!"

"I'll tell you what, you keep chasing your big bad evil, and I will raise our child."

"Don't do this," she begs.

"You can have the Hamptons house, you can have the car, and the stock options. I don't care. Take them all, but it is obvious to me that you aren't thinking clearly enough to be a safe, and active participant in that child's life."

"What are you saying?"

"I want custody."

Her heart sinks. She shakes her head, "This was not what I was expecting. I thought you would react differently. I thought that you would be happy."

"I want so badly to be happy. I want to be happily married, with a child on the way, but it isn't what you want. It is never what you wanted."

"You went missing for two months."

"You've been absent for the majority of our marriage. Kate, I'm sorry."

"What happened to us?"

"You froze me out. You wouldn't let me in. How am I supposed to be married to someone who can't even look me in the eye, and tell me the truth? How am I supposed to trust you? I wanted so badly for this to work, but it takes two people to make a marriage work. I am over here killing myself trying to make this work, and you are giving zero effort."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Fix it!"

"I don't know how," she admits.

"Then the best thing for us to do is to move forward with our lives, separately."

"How can we have separate lives? We are going to have a baby."

"You can visit."

"Please don't be so cold."

"How are you going to be primary custodian when you spend thirteen hours a day at the office, and however many hours a night being superwoman?"

"That is unfair, and you know it."

"Is it? Do you have time to give a child the love, and attention that it needs, right now?"

"I am going to cut back my hours."

"Every time you leave I think that the next phone call I am going to get is Laney, telling me that they've found your body. I picture your body lying in an alley somewhere, because you couldn't let anyone in."

"I don't want you to get hurt. I am trying to protect you."

"Too late, Kate!"


	3. Writing's On The Wall

"If that is really how you feel, then I guess there is nothing else to talk to at this point. I have a doctor's appointment next week, if you want to come. I'll text you the details," she responds feeling completely defeated.

"Kate, I am sorry that this is the way things are ending, but I am emotionally drained. I can't sit in limbo while you figure out what you're looking for. It isn't fair."

"I understand," she nods, turning to leave.

He watches as she turns, and walks away. Alexis sees the door fly open, and Kate storm out. She watches as she exits the office without a single word. Alexis scoots her chair away from the desk, and heads into her dad's office. He looks up at her.

"Not now, Alexis."

"Dad, I think your elbow was on the phone."

"What do you mean?" His eyes widen.

"I heard your whole conversation."

"Oh," his heart sinks.

"Dad, are you sure about this?"

He nods solemnly, "If you love someone let them go."

"Are you really going to try to take the baby away from her?"

"Alexis what choice do I have? I have to protect them, just like it's my job to protect you."

"Do you think that she'll sign the papers?"

He shrugs, "Sooner or later, I guess that she will."

* * *

Beckett takes a seat in her car, slamming the door behind her. She puts the key in the ignition, but she doesn't try to start the car. She bangs on the steering wheel, and the tears begin to fall. She screams out loud. Her tears taste like anger. She curses herself for letting things go this far.

"What the Hell are you doing Beckett?" She asks herself feeling a swirl of emotions. She exhales, "What did you think was going to happen?" Her phone begins to vibrate in her pocket. She reaches into her pocket, and looks at the screen. She wipes the tears from her face, and takes a deep breath.

"Captain Beckett," she answers.

"It's Javi, I need your input on a case. Where are you?"

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"Okay. See you then, bye," he hangs up.

When she arrives at the precinct her face is still red, and it is obvious that she is upset. She makes a beeline for the office once she exits the elevator. She closes the door, hoping for a moment of reprieve before she is bombarded with the details of a homicide. She has just gotten settled in her seat when Javi knocks on the door.

"Come in," she tells him.

He pulls the door open, and enters the room alone. He closes the door behind her.

"What's up Espo?"

He takes a seat, "We figured it out."

"Do you need something?"

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"With you. You have been in the office more and more lately. It's like you're avoiding us."

"I am sorry that you feel that way. I just have a lot on my plate, that's all."

"Maybe you should take some time," he suggests.

"I'm fine, Espo."

"Really? There was a suit here for you this morning."

"It was nothing."

"So you didn't get served?"

"What makes you think that?"

"He works at the court house. He's been here hundreds of times."

"Don't worry about it, Javi."

"You don't get this upset about being served to appear in court."

"Esposito, if you have a question to ask, ask it!" She snaps.

He gives her a moment to breathe, and then asks, "They were divorce papers, weren't they?"

"It doesn't matter," she insists.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?" She raises an eyebrow.

"There is only one thing I can think of that would keep you out of the field. Beckett, you have to tell Castle that you're pregnant."

"First of all, none of this is any of your business. Second of all, I just told him. Third of all, how do you know? I haven't told anyone else."

"I am observant, it is my job to detect, captain. I noticed that you had the housekeeper change out your trash can liner to a lemon scented one. Look, you're right, it isn't any of my business, but I am your friend. You need to work things out with Castle."

"He doesn't want to work things out."

"You know that isn't true. I think that it's time that you reconsider your priorities," he pushes his chair away from the desk, and turns to leave.


	4. Killing Me Softly

He sits in the doctor's office, in an exam room. They both wait on the technician to enter the room. The room is entirely filled with awkward silence. Kate stares at her phone. Castle looks up at her, and rolls his eyes. Once again her priorities lie somewhere other than where they should.

"Sorry it was work," she explains.

"I think it can probably wait a few minutes."

"They haven't even started yet," she points out.

There is a knock on the door, and the technician enters the room. She smiles as she enters the room.

"Are you ready to get started?"

"I just want to get this over with," Kate admits.

"Go ahead," Castle nods, smiling graciously.

The technician squirts gel on Kate's abdomen.

"Did you already have an ultrasound without me?" Castle questions.

"No, this is my first one."

He furrows his brow, "What do you mean this is your first one?"

"I had to reschedule a couple of times because of work," she reveals.

"Of course you did," he rolls his eyes.

The technician moves the probe around until she locates what she is looking for. She begins taking measurements. Castle notices that she is being eerily quiet.

"Is everything okay?" He questions

"Fine," she answers too quickly.

Kate turns her head, and looks at the screen for the first time. Castle tilts his head, and closely examines the image.

"Why is there a foot on top of the baby's head?"

Kate's eyes widen as she takes a closer look. The technician moves the probe, and reveals the reason.

"Oh, well that makes sense," Castle comments before he has had enough time to fully process the information.

The technician moves the probe, and the sound of a heartbeat fills the room, "That is baby A's heartbeat."

"Baby A? What do you mean baby A?" Kate questions.

"It is strong, and regular."

"Does that imply that there is a baby B?" Kate queries.

The technician moves the probe once again, "And here is baby B's heartbeat."

After finishing examining the hearts the technician zooms back out.

"You didn't know that you were having twins?" The technician quizzes.

Kate is now as pale as a ghost, as all color has drained from her face. She shakes her head, "No."

Castle speaks up, "Can you tell if they are fraternal or identical?"

"They share an amniotic sac."

"So they're identical," Castle clarifies.

"Yes," the technician confirms.

* * *

She sits in her apartment, alone on her couch. She stares at a picture of two babies. She looks over at the coffee table. She vacates her seat, and removes her empty glass from the table. As she moves towards the kitchen her anger grows. She stops before reaching the kitchen, and throws the glass at the door. It shatters all over the floor. Her phone begins vibrating, on her kitchen counter. She glances at the display. She groans inwardly as she reaches for the phone.

"Hello?" She answers angrily.

"Kate, can we talk?"

"Castle I can't do this right now," she insists.

"I know that you're upset, but I want to talk about this."

"What is there to talk about? You want a divorce. You want to take this baby, these babies from me. You are waging a war, and I haven't even gotten the opportunity to put on my battle gear."

"I don't want to wage a war."

"That is how it feels."

"Can we just talk?"

"It's getting late," she argues.

"Please, this is important."

"Fine," she growls.

"Meet me, in ten?"

She finds him sitting on a swing in the park in the dark. Without a word she takes a seat in the swing next to him.

"Castle, what are we doing? This isn't working."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to give me the opportunity to wrap my head around all of this."

"You have known for a while," he reminds her.

"I just found out that we're having twins. Everything is happening so fast, and I am…" she trails off.

"Kate I am not trying to be the bad guy here."

"You are certainly portraying yourself in that role."

"Kate, that isn't fair. We have to make some progress. At some point we have to figure out how we are going to co-parent."

"Please! Just stop. I am scared, and I am alone. My partner has gone off the reservation, and I have absolutely no idea how to handle this."

"You are the one who wanted out of this marriage," he reminds her.

"I never said that."

"You wanted to chase after villains in the dark, by yourself. I don't support that, and I won't. I can't sit back and let your crusade endanger your life and the life of our babies."

"This wasn't planned. Until I found out I hadn't even considered what this would mean."

"It's time to consider it."

"I need time, Castle."

"I have given you time. Kate, it is time to decide. You can come in from the cold, or you can keep running after monsters in the dark of the night."

She locks eyes with him. "I need my partner. I can't do this on my own."

"You know where I stand."

"You are asking me to give up everything that I have worked for my entire adult life."

"Your life goals should shift accordingly."

"You're saying that I should give up my job because I'm pregnant?"

"Every time you put on your badge, and you gun, you step into harm's way. If you want to be the captain I can support that."

"You support me if I stay behind the desk, and push papers around. That isn't who I am. You knew that when you married me. It isn't fair to ask me to change who I am because I am carrying your seed. Castle, it is an archaic idea. I am not asking you to give up writing."

"I sit behind a desk."

"You go out in the field to find inspiration for your work. You put yourself in harms' way. How is that okay? Does it make it okay because you're the man? Are you saying that because I am the woman I should be at home with the kids?"

"That is not what I am saying at all."

"What are you saying?"

"Just real it in a little bit. Drop this crusade."

"It still won't be over. They want me to drop it. They are looking for the upper hand. If I drop it they will come for us. They will do whatever they can to hurt us."

"You have to put an end to this madness."

"The only way for this to end is for me to be dead."


	5. If I Knew Then

"How did we get to this point?" He asks her.

"Because neither one of us ever wants to be the bad guy."

"Kate," he swallows hard, "I don't know how to fix this."

"Castle I know that I have brought much of this on myself. I am the one who refuses to rest until I know all the facts, and everyone responsible is behind bars, or in the ground. I know that, but I don't know how to fix it."

"If you keep going you are going to end up dead. Is that what you want? Do you want to leave two children on this earth without a mother? That is how this ends. Why can't you see that?"

"I do."

"Then why don't you care?" His voice cracks.

"I do."

"It certainly doesn't seem like it."

"Castle, before I met you, when I walked out the door in the morning I only had to think about myself. My life was the only life on the line."

"Why doesn't your life matter?"

She falls silent. He locks eyes with her. He sees the flame that flickers at the core of her being.

"It wasn't your fault. It was never about you. Nothing you could have done could have changed the outcome. Kate you couldn't have prevented your mother's death. She made those choices. She wouldn't want you to martyr yourself for her. She was trying to protect you."

She breaks eye contact, "Castle it's not some switch that I can just flip off. I don't know how to change who I have been all of this time. It isn't something that is going to change overnight."

"In a few months your entire world is going to change. Having a child changes everything. What kind of world do you want them to grow up in?"

"I just want to keep them safe."

"How can you do that if you aren't around for whatever reason? How many women get the opportunity to stay home with their children?"

"I don't want to stay home. That was never my desire."

"You say that now, but when they get here you aren't going to want to leave them. I am telling you from experience, you don't want to miss a single moment of their lives. You could pursue other opportunities. I am not saying that you have to be at home day in, and day out. I am just asking you to consider the cost benefit analysis. How much time will you be away from them if you remain in your current position?"

"Can I just have some time to think about all of this? This whole thing is terrifying. You have had decades to adjust to being a parent. I just found out that I am now responsible for two other human beings for the rest of my life."

"I think that's fair," he agrees, "I can give you time."

* * *

The following morning she is sitting in her office, when there is a knock at the door. She looks up from her computer, and finds Lanie standing in her doorway.

"What's up?" She questions.

Without a word Lanie enters the room, closing the door behind her. She takes a seat across the desk from Kate.

"Are you okay?" Lanie questions.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"I heard that you got served with divorce papers."

She purses her lips, "Yeah, I did."

"I see."

"Lanie if you have something to say spit it out."

"Kate, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you pushing him away?"

"Marriage is hard, and it takes two people to make it work."

"How could your marriage possibly work? You are married to your job. You spend more time with at work than you spend with your husband. Are you even living together?"

"No."

"What is going on with you?"

Kate shrugs, "I don't know. I just feel like everything is falling down around me."

"What do you mean?"

"It is just one thing after another."

"Stop shutting everyone out. You never talk to me. What is really going on?"

"I opened a can of worms that I can't close, and it is affecting my marriage. It has forced me to keep secrets from my friends, and my husband. When I had nothing to lose in the end it would have been worth it."

"And now?"

"I have everything to lose, and I wonder if I've made a mistake. I always wanted at the captain's desk, but none of this is going the way that I planned."

"Kate, can I ask you something?"

She nods in agreement, "Sure."

"Are you happy?"

"I am miserable."

"So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to walk away from your marriage? Are you going to bail on Castle to pursue some boogeyman?"

"It's complicated. I love him, but for a moment I considered that we would both be better off if I took myself out of the equation. That isn't fair to him, and now I don't know how plausible that is."

She furrows her brow, "What do you mean, now?"

"Everything is so complicated."

"Because of your job?"

She shakes her head, "No, not because of the job."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"It is because of some other unforeseen complications that have arisen. I am completely terrified that I can't undo what has been done."

"It seems like you have undone quite a lot," Lanie disagrees.

"Now I have to figure out how to put humpty dumpty back together again. If I don't figure it out I am probably going to completely jack up their lives."

"Jack up whose lives? Who are you talking about?

Kate falls silent, realizing that Lanie has no idea what she is referring to.

"Kate?"

She exhales, knowing that she can't keep a secret of such magnitude from Lanie for much longer, "I'm pregnant."

Lanie's eyes widen, "What?"

"And yesterday after my appointment Castle and I had a major blow up, because he feels like I am putting their lives, and my own in danger."

"Their?" She cocks her eye brow.

"Yesterday, at the appointment we found out that I am having twins."

"Why don't you look happy?"

"Lanie I am completely, and totally terrified."


	6. One Way Out

He sits on his couch, wearing a suit, and tie. He hangs his head, and tosses back a swallow of scotch. He ignores the room full of people around him. Her words still ring in his ears. He feels a hand against his shoulder, and he looks up to find Alexis standing in front of him.

"Everyone is heading out," she tells him.

He vacates his seat on the couch, and accompanies his guests to the door. He finds Alexis in the kitchen. She sits on the bar stool in complete silence.

"It's okay," he insists.

"It doesn't feel okay. It feels like a bad dream. All of this just seems so surreal."

"I know," he responds in a somber tone.

"You've barely said anything all day."

He shrugs, "What is there to say?"

"Something, anything. You just stand there like today is any other day. You act as if nothing is wrong. Dad, everything is wrong," her face grows redder with every passing second.

He takes a seat next to his daughter. The entire day has been different. Everything about the previous days have been completely, and totally wrong. The sadness hovers over them like a thick cloud. The bitterness, and thoughts of things left unsaid cling to their skin like pox. He can see the look of devastation on his daughter's face. Her eyes are bloodshot from crying, and her nostrils flare in anger. He can nearly see her thoughts. The guilt twists around his innards like a helix. He hears the clock on the wall ticking, and it reminds him that for him time should have stopped. He contemplates how he can console his daughter.

She stares at her father, and just looking at him makes her angry. He should be broken into a million tiny pieces. His face should be tearstained, and he should be completely enveloped in a sense of devastation. Instead he stands before her, wearing a suit, and tie, as if it is any other day of the year. She wants to scream, and cry, and curse, but she maintains her composure. The tempest brews beneath the surface, and it begs to come to the surface. Her heart races, as she tries to tamp down the anger she feels deep inside her bones. She breaks the silence in an effort to quiet her soul.

"Now what?"

"Can you house sit for me?"

She can't keep the anger at bay anymore. The vein in her forehead pulsates, her face grows red, her nostrils flare, and she can nearly feel her blood boiling. She flies off the handle. "Can I house sit? Where the hell do you think that you're going? We just held a memorial service for your wife this afternoon, and this evening you're planning on going on vacation? How can you be so cold, and callous?"

"I am not going on vacation, Alexis. I just need some time to process all of this. I am going to go somewhere remote, and simply reflect. I need to figure out how to move forward."

"You need to leave to do that?"

"Alexis I know you don't understand, but I need to be alone right now."

"How can you be so calm? Why aren't you upset? I haven't even seen you shed a single tear."

"I feel numb," she admits.

"Unbelievable," she clenches her teeth, as the words fall from her mouth.

"Please," he begs, "try to understand."

"Try to understand? I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

"I'm sorry."

She shakes her head, "Maybe you should stay gone."

That night he climbs into his bed, alone. The cold sheets rub against his skin like crisp night air. He presses his head against the pillow, and waits for sleep. His anxiety rises with each passing moment. He wonders if he has made the right choice. He questions his own loyalties, as he ponders whether his family will ever forgive him. He turns the alarm on his phone on.

He rises a few hours later, and he collects his luggage. He takes a car to a private airstrip, and boards an aircraft. He sits on the plane alone. He is left with only his thoughts, as his phone is lying on his bedside stand, at home. He secures the buckle around his waist, and waits for the aircraft to take off. He finds himself wrapped up in thought. He can see her as plain as day, almost as if she is sitting next to him. She seems so real it is as if when he inhales he breathes in her scent. He flashes back to two days prior.

* * *

 _His phone begins violently buzzing in the middle of his slumber. He rolls over, and taps the green button. He presses his phone to his hear, and listens intently as a familiar voice offers him condolences in a broken voice._

" _Lanie, I'll be right there," he tells her, as he hangs up the phone. He pulls on yesterday's clothes that lie on the floor near the bed. He doesn't even bother to comb his hair before he leaves. He arrives on the scene as the fire department is pulling away. Lanie stands in front of the club, behind the crime scene tape. Ryan, and Esposito stop him at the yellow tape. Esposito hangs his head, and Ryan barely holds it together as a body bag is loaded onto the medical examiner's van._

" _You don't need to go in there," Espo warns._

" _She was in there," he argues._

 _Without a word Ryan steps forward, and envelopes Castle in a hug. He pats him on the back._

" _Castle, I'm so sorry."_

" _No," his cheeks burn as he pushes Ryan away. He falls to his knees in the gravel lot. "No," he begins to sob._


	7. Running Away

At an airstrip in rural West Virginia he heads to a car in the parking lot. The car is a non-descript silver SUV. He tosses the luggage into the back, and slams the hatch. He climbs into the driver's seat, and looks to his right. He shakes his head, at the woman sitting next to him. She wears a red flannel shirt, and a pair of dark wash denim. Instead of heels, or boots she wears a pair of black Keds. She looks at him, and her lips curl into a smile.

"What are you wearing?" He asks her.

"I could ask you the same," she responds.

He sits in the driver's seat wearing a pair of blue jeans, and a navy colored Henley. He turns the key in the ignition, and ignores he comment.

"At least I have an excuse," she continues, "What's yours?"

He furrows his brow as he backs out of the parking space, "I didn't know what to wear to start a new life," he admits, "What is your excuse?"

She grins as the words spill from her mouth as precise as daggers, "I'm dead."

"Buckle up," he tells her, "We are an hour from the cabin."

The seat belt clicks, and her hand reaches over to him. As they drive through the mountains on less than ideal roads she holds his hand. By the time they reach their destination the sun is shining brightly in the sky, and she is sound asleep. He sets the luggage inside the door of the rural two bedroom home. He returns to the car, pulling the passenger's side door open. He squats next to his passenger. He takes a moment to push the guilt away, before pressing his lips to her temple.

"We're here," he announces.

Her eyes fly open, and she looks over at him. He takes a step back, and she exits the vehicle. Her eyes wander as she surveys her surroundings. The driveway is mud, and a little gravel, thus her husband's insistence on an all-wheel drive vehicle. She can see a clearing behind the house. There is green grass, and trees surrounding them on all sides. He reaches for her hand, and she feels at home as her fingers encircle his. He pulls the screen door open, and she follows him inside.

The décor is country, but simple. She finds a massive couch sitting in the middle of the room, facing a fireplace. She smiles, noting that there is no big screen TV hanging above the mantle. She is taken aback when a large black lab starts running towards her. He stops at her feet, and barks at her.

"Hello, there," she greets him, "Rick, I didn't agree to a dog."

"It was a package deal. The owner's son said that the dog had to stay. They tried to take him to their house, but he cried constantly until they brought him back here."

"What happened to the owner?"

"Massive myocardial infarction."

"Here?" She raises an eyebrow.

"In town at the hardware store."

"How far away is town?"

"About half an hour away," he reveals.

"What is its name?"

"The town?"

She shakes her head, "The dog," as she reaches down to pet him. He wags his tail as she pats his head.

"Hatfield," he responds.

"Where is McCoy?"

He smiles, "That is actually the neighbor's dog. They came from the same litter, from a farmer down the road, and their owners thought it would be funny to name them Hatfield and McCoy, because they bark at each other every time they see each other."

"Are you making this up?"

He giggles, "Completely. His name is Hunter."

She breaks eye contact, and looks out the window. He senses her reservation.

"Kate you were right, this was the only way."

"It doesn't stop me from feeling bad. Everyone thinks that I am dead."

"Lanie knows the truth," he points out.

"It doesn't make it any easier. What about Alexis?"

"She hates me for not being emotional enough, and for going on vacation."

"We should have told her."

"We didn't have a choice," he insists.

"What are you going to do all day?"

"I am going to have to chop wood for the fireplace," he answers.

"There is a whole stack of firewood out there."

"I know."

She looks up, past him. He feels a flicker of panic wash over him. "It's a spider, isn't it?"

She shakes her head, "No, it appears that there is central air," she points to the vent above his head.

"There is," he confirms, "The fireplace is just supplemental. I didn't want to be out in the middle of the winter chopping up firewood, while you were in here with a couple of colicky babies."

Her hand flutters to her stomach. She locks eyes with her husband. He pulls her close. She melts into his kiss. He wraps his arms around her, as if he is never going to let her go.

"I am sorry that it took me so long to see where I need to be," she apologizes.

"I am sorry that I pushed so hard," he admits.

"You were right. I needed to get my priorities straight."

"So, what are you going to do all day?"

"Not watch TV," she points out.

"I do have internet," he reveals.

"Dial up?" She giggles.

"I bought a wireless box. Thanks to modern day technology you can have internet anywhere you go."

"Except on your phone."

He pulls out his phone, "I have internet on my phone."

"You aren't going to get service on that phone out here. Why do you need a phone that fancy?"

"Fancy? It is a prepaid cell phone," he responds.

She shakes her head, "You didn't need an iphone."

"We are in the middle of nowhere, and there is no cable, or satellite television. What am I supposed to do for entertainment?"

She leans forward. He can feel her lip brush against his ear. "I'll entertain you," she whispers.


	8. Fleeting

He wakes up, and quietly descends the staircase into the kitchen. He finds his wife sitting at the kitchen table wearing leggings, and a flannel shirt. He grins at her, as he reaches for the coffee. He rubs sleep from his eyes, and studies her face. He immediately picks up on her sheepish grin. Eventually the coffee percolates, and he pours himself a cup of the caffeine elixir. He pulls out a chair, and takes a seat next to her.

"What are we doing today?"

"You should probably finish your coffee, and get dressed," she suggests.

"Do you have plans for us today?"

"I do," she grins.

"What are we doing?"

"We are going to have a couple of babies," she answers.

He shakes his head in disbelief, "You have been saying that for weeks."

She scoots her chair away from the table, and turns towards him. He looks at her stomach which seems to be stretched to its capacity.

"I have been having contractions for hours, and my water recently broke," she informs him.

"I guess I will be taking my cup of coffee to go."

22 hours later—

He sits in the hospital room next to her. She wears a hospital gown, and her face is saturated in sweat. She holds onto the side rail as she has a contraction. Medical personnel enter the room. The doctor stands at the end of the bed. Kate's face is beet red as he begins to talk.

"You have been in labor for hours, and you have stalled at a six," he begins.

"I'll take some more laps," she insists.

"No. Your babies' heartrates are dropping with contractions. We can't wait any longer. It is time to get them out."

"I can do this," Kate argues.

"We are going to take you down for an emergency c-section."

The nurse hands Castle some hospital attire, and instructs him to put it on. By the time he returns they are ready to take his wife to the OR. He follows them into the OR, and takes a seat on a stool next to his wife. He holds her hand as she proceed to position a sterile drape, and cleanse her skin. The doctor rubs a finger on the sole of her foot, and confirms that she is numb. Castle looks over, and finds his wife drifting into unconsciousness. He looks around at the frenzied activity in the room. Two teams of individuals prepare themselves for the arrival of their twins. He tries not to notice the concerned look on the OB nurse's face. He swallows hard, shoving his doubt down with his saliva. The procedure begins, and within a matter of minutes a baby is being hoisted into the air. He watches at the doctor quickly unwraps the cord from the baby's neck. Once this is done the baby shifts from grey to pale, and finally from pink to red. Her tiny lungs screech, and announce her arrival. Only moments later a second newborn is being lifted from his wife's womb. A nurse touches his elbow, and leads him away from his wife. She leads him around the sterile field to his newborn daughters. She proceeds to offer him scissors. He cuts each of the girl's umbilical cords. Among the chaos of the room he hears a nurse say, "Her blood pressure is dropping."

The neonatal team whisks Castles, and the two new babies out of the room, without a word. He follows the staff into the nursery. He finds the newborns being weighed, and measured. He quickly receives two new armbands. He sits in the corner of the nursery watching as they assess the babies. Eventually, when they are satisfied that the babies temperatures are sufficient they proceed in cleaning them up. Baby A is soon placed in his arms. He grins at his new daughter.

"Hi, beautiful. It is nice to finally meet you. Your mommy, and I have been waiting for you."

He doesn't notice when another staff member enters the room, and pulls one of the OB nurse's aside. Finally he looks around, and notices the room is eerily silent. A nurse approaches him with a second baby. She places the second newborn in his arms.

"Have you heard about my wife? What is taking them so long?"  
"I am sure she is probably in recovery by now," she guesses.

He notices a second nurse approaching them. She intercepts the conversation. He notices that this staff member has a brightly colored tag that identifies her as an RN, but she is dressed in business attire. Two nurse's in scrubs join her, and weasel the newborns from his arms. The girls are taken to their basinets, and suddenly Castle is all alone with the woman wearing business attire.

"What's going on?"

"Your girls seem to be doing well."

"They are perfect," he comments.

"Yes," she nods.

"Who are you?"

She extends a hand, "My name is Sarah Bradley I am the manager of OB," she explains.

"Okay. I am wondering how my wife is doing. It has been over two hours, and I still haven't heard anything."

"Your wife had some blood loss, and her blood pressure dropped."

"I assume that she had to have blood transfusion. Where is she now?"

"We did have to administer blood."

His stomach begins twisting into knots, "You don't typically meet with patients, or their families, do you?"

"Not every day," she admits.

He considers that maybe it is his celebrity status, but quickly realizes that this corner of the world knows him as Richard Carmichael.

"What is going on? What is wrong?"

"Would you like to see your wife?"

"Yes, of course."

"Mister Carmichael, there is no easy way for me to say this. Your wife had a lot of sudden blood loss, which caused her blood pressure to drop, and her heart to go into an arrhythmia."

"What are you telling me?"

"Mister Carmichael, I am so sorry, but we were not able to resuscitate her. We worked on her for an hour."

He furrows his brow, "What? No."

"I am so sorry, Mister Carmichael."

He feels his entire world being enveloped in grief. She offers him a hand, "Let me take you to her."

She leads him back into the operating room, but this time no one is concerned about maintaining a sterile field. He looks around the room, and sees the aftermath of their efforts. There are wrappers all over the floor. The sharps container that is nearby is at capacity. He sees his wife's pale, lifeless face in front of him. She is covered in a blue sterile curtain from her chest to her toes. He takes a seat on the stool next to her. He can see EKG stickers on the upper portion of her chest. He reaches out, and touches her. Her body feels eerily cold. Her lips are dry, and pale. He watches her chest, but it doesn't rise, or fall. He stares at her neck waiting to see it pulsate. She doesn't move. She doesn't breathe. Her heart doesn't beat. She is no more.

Suddenly, he feels as if his heart doesn't want to beat. His heart breaks, and the tears begin to fall like rain. He turns towards the hospital official sitting next to him. He clenches his fists, and his nostrils flare.

"How does this happen? With all of the technology in this world, how does this happen? Women aren't supposed to die in childbirth."

"No, they're not."

"How did this happen? My wife is a fighter. She wouldn't have given up this easily."

"She didn't give up easily. Her heart would start to beat, but she couldn't maintain rhythm. We did everything that we could to save her."


	9. Homecoming

He pulls into the parking garage, yawning as he puts the car into park. He turns the key, and the engine falls silent. He unbuckles his belt, and opens the car door. He slips his keys into the pocket of his carpenter pants. He is exhausted, and uncharacteristically casual in dress. He wears a flannel shirt, with a white t-shirt underneath, and a pair of carpenter pants. His feet are protected by a pair of boots. He opens the rear driver's side door, and tosses a pair of bags onto his right shoulder. He crawls into the backseat, and removes a car seat. He closes the door, and walks around the back of the car. He balances the car seat in his left hand as he uses his right to open the rear passenger side door. He lifts a second car seat out, and places it on the ground. He closes the door quickly, and quietly and presses the key fob in his pocket. The doors lock, and he lifts the second car seat off the ground. He slowly moves towards the elevator, only to find that it is out of order. He groans inwardly, and heads for the stairs.

By the time that he reaches his destination he is tired, and cranky. His full facial hair makes his lip sweat. He stops in the hallway, and looks at the door. He suddenly realizes that he doesn't have keys to get inside. He taps the door with his foot. He hears movement inside. He sees someone stop in front of the peep hole. He exhales, and realizes that he has to announce his presence, as she can only see his bearded face.

"It's me, please let me in. I have a present for you. Actually I have two. Alexis, please."

He hears the door being unlatched. The door pulls open, and Alexis stares at him blankly. He doesn't argue with her, he simply pushes past her into the apartment. He makes a beeline for the living room, as she stands in the doorway with a blank look on her face. He places two sleeping babies on the coffee table. He places his bags on the floor. Alexis finally turns around, and closes the door. She folds her arms across her chest, and approaches him slowly. She furrows her brow.

"I haven't heard from you in months. You just left, and now here you are with a couple of babies. What the hell is going on?"  
"Have a seat."

"Why are you dressed like a lumberjack?"

He shrugs, "It is soothing to the babies."

"And the beard?"

"It's a new look that I am going for," he answers.

"You could have called."

"Alexis, I am sorry. I am sorry for everything. Most of all I am sorry that I hurt you."

"Dad what is going on? Why are you here all of a sudden?"

"I need to tell you something," he admits.

She looks at the twin babies sitting on their coffee table. She tilts her head, and locks eyes with her father.

"I have a feeling there are a lot of details that I am missing from this scenario."

"I didn't have a choice," he begins.

"I have no frame of reference."

"Kate wanted to be able to live a normal life. I wanted that too."

"What are you saying?" She furrows her brow.

"Kate faked her own death."

"So she's not dead?"

He breaks eye contact.

"Dad?!"

"She faked the car accident. I went along with it. We left town. We went somewhere that no one would look for us. She wanted to bring them into this world, safely."

"She was pregnant?!"

"Yes," he nods in confirmation.

"Why did you lie to all of us?"

"It is complicated."

"Where is she now?"

"Buried in a cemetery somewhere in the Appalachian mountains."

"What are you talking about?"

"She died from complications of childbirth."

"I don't understand. People don't die during childbirth anymore," she argues.

"She had blood loss, and her blood pressure plummeted. She went into a fatal arrhythmia, and their efforts to resuscitate her failed," he answers in a very clinical manner.

"I am so sorry."

"Me too."

"Now you're here?"

"I don't know how to move forward, but I have no choice. There are two brand new babies who need me to take care of them."

She looks at the babies. One of them begins to stir. Instinctively she removes the baby from her car seat. Once the baby is in her arms she opens her eyes widely.

"Hello," she greets the little girl.

"Beckett Victoria. Kate agreed to let me name her. We were going to name her Adeline Victoria."

Alexis smiles, and shifts her glance toward the second baby who is still sleeping soundly in her car seat.

"And what about her?"

"Camille Katherine. Camille was the name of the nurse who took care of them in the nursery."

"You should call gram."

He nods, "In due time. I wanted you to get a chance to meet them first, before she kidnaps them."

"I am still very angry at you."

"I understand. I am still angry at me too."

"I am sorry."

"Me too."

"I will still help you, though."

Camille's eyes suddenly pop open. Richard sticks a pacifier in her mouth before he removes her from her restraints.

"Why did you do that, for?"

"It is time for them to eat, and she gets hangry."

The newborn quickly spits her pacifier out, and begins wailing.


End file.
